So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
