So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
