that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
