Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
