you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
