i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
