Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
