why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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