i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
