We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
