Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i was born a porn star she said
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
All I want is dick and wine.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
