Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize