Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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