not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
