There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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