Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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