i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
