i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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