Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So squirting runs in the family.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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