Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
