He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
