Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The air was thick with penises
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
