Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
