She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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