"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
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It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
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You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
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