i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
