Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
