All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
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