It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
