just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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