Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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