First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
