Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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