she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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