She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
