Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's shark week go big or go home
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
