And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
