She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
