Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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