Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
