I can't breathe out the right side of my face
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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