dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
