Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
