I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
