Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
