It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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