Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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