dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
