you guys were way drunker than both of me
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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