Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
