I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
