Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
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