Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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