Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
