My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
