did you get engaged???
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
