the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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