I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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