I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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