It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My boob is missing a layer of skin
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
