Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
