I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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