Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
