it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
