he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
