How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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