Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
