So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
