You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
