Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
