Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
