My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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